


Tony Stark, best friend to the trans community

by Sukugaru



Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Gen, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 05:13:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6691051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sukugaru/pseuds/Sukugaru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stark, paranoid?  Nah, of course not, he was Tony Stark, former weapons dealer, high profile superhero, professional pisser-offer of governments everywhere, sometimes-active consultant to the Avengers, and creator of Ultron, the AI that tried to kill everyone on the planet.  He *knew* everyone was out to get him.<br/>Which is why he designed a 'Friend-or-Foe' scanner system into prototype StarkTech glasses, which is how he became the best friend ever to the trans community.  Well, there were a few other steps in between.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tony Stark, best friend to the trans community

**Author's Note:**

> First time poster here at AO3, with this story idea I've had bouncing around in my head for a while. Mainly the Avengers, with very brief cameos by the Daredevil series later on.
> 
> I have written fanfic before, but so long ago I'm a bit rusty.
> 
> This will probably shift a bit as I get used to how AO3 works.

Chapter 1 - Paranoia  
  
Tony Stark was not a paranoid man.  He *knew* everyone was out to get him.  Former weapons dealer?  There were definitely people out there who quite resented him because of that, and then there were the people who resented the fact he wasn't making weapons for them anymore.  And on that topic he'd annoyed more governmental representatives than he could count.  The most high profile of his governmental detractors had turned out to be HYDRA, but there were countless other governmental reps and congressmen and senate hearings and whatever that he'd annoyed.  
   Then of course he was one of the most high profile Avengers, known around the world as Iron Man for at several years now.  Even if he wasn't doing that all that much anymore, and letting the current roster of Avengers deal with things, people still thought of him when they thought of the Avengers.  
   *And* he'd created Ultron.  Was it really his fault that Ultron then went rogue and tried to become an indestrutible vibranium killbot and came *this* close to destroying almost all life on the planet?  Enough people thought so.  Including his former teammates on the Avengers.  Which stung.  Alright, they sort of had a point, but still, it wasn't nice to know that people were being extremely wary around him just in case he accidentally turned the toaster into an evil megalomaniacal killbot.  
   All he'd wanted to do was make it better at making toast!  But no, he wasn't allowed anywhere near the toaster at all.  Not after what he'd done to the fridge.  
   Still, he was Tony Stark.  Even though almost everyone in the world was probably out to get him, he could Science the hell out of things, and invent something to get him out of this problem.  
   Plus, inventing something would surely get him out of this boredom and depression.  
  
-  
  
   After that whole Ultron fiasco was over, they'd had to rebuild.  
   Rebuilding the physical things, and coming up with a new Avengers facility in upstate New York - that had been easy.  Well, relatively easier.  It was just reconstruction, and very very expensive, but fixing buildings wasn't really all that hard.  
   JARVIS, now.  Losing JARVIS had been much harder to deal with.  The AI had never quite recovered after Ultron had first attacked him.  Some of JARVIS had survived, squirrelled himself away in the internet, and blocked Ultron's attempts to launch nuclear armageddon.  Then along had come that Vision android thingy, that Mind Gem thingy, Thor with his magic lightning, and poof, JARVIS was stuck in Vision's head and wasn't exactly JARVIS anymore.  
   FRIDAY was supposed to just be an interim measure, but after the whole Ultron disaster was done there was no more JARVIS.  So it looked like he was stuck with FRIDAY.  
   Given that his most recent attempt at creating AI had nearly doomed the entire world, people weren't exactly happy with the idea of him fiddling around with AI all that much.  FRIDAY, bless her coding, was still just a fledgling AI, hadn't yet learnt how to be like JARVIS, and the instant he touched her coding to make her better at her job she was duty-bound to report it to SHIELD, the Avengers, the UN, and any other law enforcement and government bodies that were interested.  There were quite a few.  
   (Seriously, you accidentally create a homicidal AI just one time, and nobody lets you forget it.)  
   Working in the lab was a lonely affair these days.  He didn't have Brucey, his favourite Science Bro, to bounce ideas off.  There was no JARVIS to talk to, and FRIDAY wasn't the most perfect of replacements, though she was getting better.  
   FRIDAY was also doing double-time, helping to run the whole entire Stark building, much like JARVIS had done.  It was just the Stark building again.  For a glorious few years, it had been the unofficial Avengers building.  Then along came Ultron, things went to shit, and after rebuilding the team had decided to move to the upstate New York facility.  
   (Seriously, it had just been that one time!  It's not like he *wanted* to make another homicidal AI.  The first time had been bad enough, and besides he didn't even have a Mind Gem or whatever anymore, but *no*, the Avengers had to go off and find somewhere else to stay and be their official facility.)  
   Where was he?  Oh yes, mentally complaining about FRIDAY.  Because in running the whole entire Stark building, she'd been learning mannerisms and behaviour and sass from Pepper and Happy and who knows who else besides.  And was currently using it just a little too much.  
   "I really must insist, boss," FRIDAY said.  "You've been awake for twenty hours and haven't eaten for eighteen."  
   "In a minute," Tony said, "I'm almost done."  
   "Oh, good," FRIDAY said.  "Oh, beeteedubs, the boss lady is coming to see you."  
   "What?  Pepper's coming?"  
   "Uh-huh!  Just said that!"  
   "Stall her!  As much as you can!"  
   There was a slight pause.  
   "Uh, no, not working, sorry boss.  She knew the override to make the lift work again, and now she's really upset!"  
   Tony had an idea about how to deal with the incoming Pepperpocalypse.  He made a few adjustments to his latest device then jammed it on his head, just as the door opened to admit a fuming Pepper.  
   "Tony!" she said, followed by, "What on earth is that *thing* on your head?"  
   "Well I haven't miniaturised everything yet but it's control boards for these!" he said, tapping the glasses.  "Here, look at this!"  
   He swiped a holo-screen into existence and threw the video feed from the glasses to it.  Pepper could see what Tony was seeing, which basically consisted of Pepper outlined in green, with the text "Friendly" and "No Anomalies" next to hear.  
   "What?" she asked.  "Just, what?"  
   "Seriously, I'm getting fed up with all these crackpots who keep on coming out of the woodwork to kidnap and/or kill and/or annoy everyone, so once I'm finished with this Friend or Foe stuff, you and me and everyone on the team can get some glasses with it."  
   "Right now I'm feeling like I'm in the Foe category.  Is *this* why you've been awake for twenty hours straight?"  
   "No time like the present!  And I've got an disturbingly large list of people mad at me, so I figure getting some FOF tech on StarkTech glasses ASAP would be a good idea, don't you think?"  
   "Tony, why are you backsliding like this?  Take that off and be a normal person and go to bed!  FRIDAY, don't let him in the lab until he's slept and eaten!"  
   "Sorry boss, but the boss lady has spoken."  
   Tony mentally added FRIDAY and Pepper to the list of people that he knew were out to get him.  
  
-  
  
After the Battle of New York he hadn't been able to sleep very well.  It had taken a while, and the blowing up of a lot of Iron Man suits, before he'd calmed down and could get a decent amount of sleep.  
   After Ultron, he'd gone right back to not being able to sleep very well.  
   To calm himself down, live life a little slower, etc., he'd tried doing the Barton thing.  He'd found a little farm in the middle of Hicksville, Nowhere, and tried settling down there with Pepper.  After just a couple of days he was bored out of his mind, tinkered with the tractor, and accidentally turned it into a rampaging killbot that chased after squirrels and finally ran out of steam somewhere in Vermont.  Pepper, too, was bored out of her skull in the rustic surroundings, and wanted to be back in the immediacy of the office.  
   So back to the Stark Tower they went.  
   He had a pretty good night, only waking up in a cold sweat a couple of times.  Each time, to get his mind off things, he fiddled a bit with his adjustments to the StarkTech glasses until Pepper or FRIDAY told him to go back to sleep.  
  
-  
  
"Tony, you're the light of my life and I still love you after everything, but will you please stop tinkering with that thing?"  
   "No need," he said, and slipped on the glasses.  He no longer had a hat of circuit boards covering his hair - he'd managed to get all the tech into the glasses and the code debugged and these glasses were just demanding to be taken for a spin.  Plus, they were in snazzy red and gold.  "As you can see, they're all done!"  
   Pepper just sighed in exasperation.  "Will you please go to bed like a normal person tonight?"  
   "Of course!"  
  
-  
  
To test out the new scanner in his glasses, Tony decided to wander around the office with it on.  He drew quite bit of attention.  It wasn't very often that the boss (well, sort of the boss) just wandered through the office.  Not that he minded, it gave him a lot of people to scan!  
   Hey, wait a minute, one of the girls on the 3rd floor was outlined in red!  The text next to her said "Looks female, scans as male, anomaly, DANGER!"  
   He was really quite tired of this shit.  One quick thought and a repulsor glove shot out of his briefcase and onto his hand and he aimed it at the obvious infiltrator.  "Alright, dirtbag!" he shouted.  "Did you really think you could sneak in?  On the floor!  Get Security!  Call the police!"  
   Fortunately, Happy was right with him, and so was able to deal with the perp straight away.  
   "Everyone stand down," sighed Happy.  "You too, Tony, stop scaring the poor girl.  Miss Woodgrove, right?  Clearly show him your ID card."  
   The extremely frightened woman stepped forwards, holding up her Stark Industries employee ID card.  His glasses automatically scanned it and confirmed the girl as female and as a legitimate employee of SI and as so scared she was actually, uh, okay he needed to dial the glasses down, that was embarassing to know.  And all the while his glasses also said she was male.  
   "Er," Tony said, and took the glasses and repulsor glove off.  They weren't helping.  
   Tony's phone and Happy's phone both dinged.  Tony looked at his phone, seeing a simple message from Pepper.  "You, Happy, and Miss Woodgrove, my office, now."  
  
-  
  
"Tony!  Would you mind telling me what's going on, and why you've threatened one of our employees?!?"  
   "Well, uh, she didn't look like one of our employees.  She looked like a he!  And like a spy."  
   Pepper brought up an image of Miss Woodgrove on her tablet and showed it to Tony.  "She doesn't look much like a he here!  She went through several years of extreme difficulty to become a she, and for you to just totally ignore all that is going to make us a *lot* of trouble if she decides to take action against the company!"  
   "...what?  She *became* a she?"  
   "Yes!  Read her file!"  Pepper shoved the tablet at Tony with such force it almost flew from her hands.  He tentatively took it and started reading through her file.  
   "Huh.  We actually have a trans member in our staff?"  
   "We have quite a few, actually!  Now would you mind telling me why you thought it was okay to threaten her?"  
   "Um.  Because of this?"  
   He transferred the captured images from his glasses to the tablet, and passed it back to Pepper.  She took a look at the pictures and grumbled.  
   "Really?!?  Looks female, scans as male, anomaly, danger?"  
   "Well, the glasses scan for any obvious anomalies and tell me if they find any, and her ID card wasn't clearly visible..."  
   Pepper gave him a frosty stare.  "Stop wearing those glasses until they can accurately identify SI employees.  Or just stop wearing those glasses."  
   "But Pep, I need to be forewarned if something or someone's suspicious!  They might be out to get me!"  
   "Who might be out to get you?"  
   "People from my arms dealer past, people annoyed with the way I annoy governments, people annoyed with my Avenger connections, people annoyed with the Ultron fiasco, Hammer if he gets out of prison, people I might have annoyed back in my more dickish days, and who knows who else."  
   There was a slight pause as Pepper processed this.  "You've actually thought about this a fair bit, haven't you?"  
   "Well, yeah, of course!  It's not paranoia if you *know* they're out to get you."  
  
-  
  
Ann Woodgrove quite nervously sat in a chair outside Ms Potts' office, Chief of Security Hogan sitting next to her.  It felt somewhat like she was back in grade school, and had been summoned to the principal's office.  Ms Potts was obviously shouting, though she couldn't quite make out the words.  
   "Uh, do you know what's going on in there?" she asked.  "And why we're here?"  
   "I probably shouldn't tell you," he said.  "But *you* don't have to worry.  The only person really in trouble here is Mr. Stark."  
   "But, um, why then are we here?  This is the CEO's office!  I feel like I'm seven and I'm waiting outside the principal's office!"  
   There was a bit more shouting from the office.  They both winced.  
   After a few more minutes of tense waiting, Ms Potts' PA looked up.  "You may go in now," she said to them.  
   In the office, Ms Potts had a neutral expression and Mr Stark looked contrite.  Ann hoped that this was a good sign.  
   "Miss Woodgrove.  Mr. Stark here would like to apologise to you."  
   "Uh... 'I truly am sorry for causing you any great distress to you and...' oh this is ridiculous."  He stopped reading from his phone and put it down on the desk.  
   "Tony!" shouted Pepper.  
   "I'm not much for scripts.  Don't worry Pep, things will work out.  So, hey, Ann right?  I'm really sorry for scaring you like that.  Now, I've got some prepared speech here about how I totally didn't discriminate against you because you were trans but I guess I actually accidentally did.  I'm, uh, really sorry about that.  Really really didn't mean to!  See, I've got this cool new FOF tech that scans people around me and looks for anomalies and, uh, you showed up as an anomaly.  Really really really sorry about that!"  
   "FOF?" she echoed.  "As in Friend or Foe?"  
   "Yeah, in the glasses!  It's really cool!  Well, er, it would be, if it hadn't made me threaten you with a repulsor.  Here, you want to try them on?"  
   Ohgod, Tony Stark was offering her to test drive something new that he'd made!  This was so cool!  
   "Tony!" snapped Pepper.  "Don't bribe her with tech you know she'll like!  There are serious legal ramifications, and you're going off script-"  
   "Not a problem, Pep!  We'll get this sorted!"  
  
-  
  
It was later on.  For once, Tony wasn't actually making anything, just doing research about trans people, and, especially, all the trans people employed at SI.  As Pepper said, there were a few.  
   "Hey boss," said FRIDAY.  "It's getting late."  
   "I'll be done in a minute."  
   "Sure you will.  Beeteedubs, Boss Lady is on her way, and will arrive in twenty seconds."  
   "FRIDAY, you have to warn me about this a lot sooner."  
   "I did.  You didn't pay enough attention."  
   Tony realised this was probably true, and steeled himself for the inevitable Pepperpocalypse.  The doors opened and it swooshed in, extremely irritated.  
   "Tony, *what* are you doing?  You should get to bed!"  
   "Did you know, Pepper, what sort of shit trans people have to go through?"  
   "Why yes, I've had to deal with the admin and paperwork of several trans SI employees, because HR decided every single one of them was too complicated and needed to be handled by the CEO."  
   "I mean, there's all this legal hassle they have to go through, and they go through the emotional wringer most of their lives, they probably lose a whole bunch of friends who can't deal with what's going on, and they all hold out for this 'magical' surgery that transforms them into who they should have been but it's just a hack job!  After everything Miss Woodgrove went through, under all the surgery she had done, she still has a male body, just very very modified.  If you ask me, that just totally blows chunks."  
   "You're still not telling me anything I didn't know," she said.  "How did you not know this already?  They were your employees too!"  
   "Because I had you to take care of things while I was off Ironmanning," he said.  "But I have a *great* idea!"  
   "Tony, you've had about six hours of sleep in the past four days.  You shouldn't trust any ideas you're having."  
   "You're right, this idea involves EXTREMIS."  
   "WHAT?!?  Tony, no!"  
   "Eh, I'll sleep on it," said Tony.  
   And like that, incredibly, Tony actually willingly set what he was working on aside, and went to bed at a (mostly) sensible time.  
  
-  
  
As said before, Tony *knew* everyone was out to get him.  
   So when he woke up, he just ran with the assumption that, because of his half-delirious mention of EXTREMIS last night, Pepper and FRIDAY and possibly even the Avengers themselves would come along and try to 'save him from himself' and make things difficult, as soon as they possibly could.  
   Fortunately, a decent night's sleep had helped refresh and rejuvenate his mind, and he woke up with an action plan already in place.  Obviously, he needed to get a decent sized sample of EXTREMIS away from the automated controls of FRIDAY, before she almost certainly prevented access.  He sent instructions to DUM-E, U, and Butterfingers.  While the bots weren't the most creative thinkers and certainly not the most dextrous, securing a sample of EXTREMIS was well within their capabilities.  
   FRIDAY wasn't blocking them yet, so either she hadn't caught on Pepper wasn't trying to 'save him from himself' yet.  
   He smiled and charmed his way through breakfast, running his mouth on autopilot and promising he wouldn't do anything stupid with EXTREMIS.  It was even true!  The other half of his brain was quickly running through how to make EXTREMIS do what he wanted.  
   First up, was it even possible to use EXTREMIS to change the host body's sex?  He didn't see why not.  EXTREMIS was capable of rapid cellular regeneraton, creating and recreating parts of the body that just weren't there anymore.  He had large chunks of his chest cavity back, thanks to EXTREMIS, and Pepper wasn't dead in a massive explosion, also thanks to EXTREMIS.  Just tell EXTREMIS to do some funky chromosome stuff before any regrowth, and bam, instant and full body sex change!  He hoped.  This was the bit he needed to simulate and test and make absolutely sure of.  
   Second, Killian had been an idiot.  He'd come up with this insane idea to put EXTREMIS entirely at the control of the person who had it, so the host could regrow and keep on regrowing lost body parts, superheat their body, and even breathe fire.  
   Seriously, breathe fire?  What was the point?  And if the person with EXTREMIS needed to keep control of it at all times, then of course people were going to explode.  If you injected someone with an extremely volatile concoction, then told them they had to keep control of said concoction otherwise they might explode, then of course there were going to be freakouts and explosions.  
   If all you wanted EXTREMIS to do was to heal or regrow, and just the once, then there was no point in *keeping* it in the host body.  Inject it, instruct it to run a limb regrowth program (or sex change program, as the case may be), then flush it out.  
   He finished his toast, nodding along to Pepper's demands, his mouth still running on auto-pilot, then as soon as she took off to do CEO stuff he rushed to the lab, writing simulation code in his head already.  
  
-  
  
Pepper *knew* that look in Tony's eyes.  
   Oh, he'd been saying all the right things, promising he wouldn't do anything stupid with EXTREMIS, but she'd been with Tony long enough to know when his mouth was running on auto-pilot and his mind was really thinking something completely different.  
   It was infuriating, honestly.  Did he think she didn't notice when he got like this?  She hated it - since the whole Ultron fiasco, nobody was really trusting him anymore, and she had to admit it, not even *she* trusted him anymore.  So in turn, he didn't really trust anyone anymore either.  Not even her.  
   But if she just sat around moping and didn't try to stop him, he'd do whatever he liked.  Like turning the fridge into an angry rampaging cyborg with a cold gun, spewing incredibly awful one-liners.  That had actually happened.  
   How could you trust someone when you just knew that, if he was bored, he might turn the toaster into a rogue robot obsessed with delivering perfect toast to everyone?  That had almost happened too.  
   She *really* wanted to babysit him to make sure he didn't get out the EXTREMIS and do something really stupid.  She *really* wanted to sit beside him and tell him when he was going too far and for him to listen.  Unfortunately, there were a bunch of annoying meetings that she couldn't get out of.  Half of them were already weeks overdue.  
   She looked at her upcoming meetings on her phone again, trying to will all these incredibly aggravating meetings to *any* other day, but they resolutely stayed on her schedule.  
   Finally she finished her fruit salad, listening once again to Tony's platitudes that he wouldn't do something stupid, knowing once again that that probably wasn't true.  As soon as she took off to deal with her first meeting, she was already giving FRIDAY strict instructions, to not let Tony *anywhere* near the EXTREMIS.  Then for good measure, realising Tony had probably *already* gotten around that, she left a message with the Avengers saying Tony was probably going to get out the EXTREMIS and do something stupid and could they please send someone over, and prayed that this would be enough.  
  
-  
  
Halfway through the third simulation, there was a knocking at the lab door.  Tony looked up and saw it was Rhodey, looking a bit annoyed and a lot impatient.  
   "Oh thank you FRIDAY, for letting me know Rhodey was coming."  
   "I thought you might appreciate a nice surprise, boss," said the AI.  
   "Let me in, Tony," called Rhodey, his voice muffled by the door.  "Don't make me bust out the Avengers clearance."  
   "Fine, fine," sighed Tony, and mentally added Rhodey to the list of people who were out to get him.  "Let him in, FRIDAY."  
   "So tell me man, what's this about EXTREMIS?  I thought we were all done with that after the AIM and Killian mess."  
   "The idea of EXTREMIS is actually perfectly sound.  Killian just had *no* idea, fucked it up, and used it to make crazy murderpeople.  After all, I fixed up Pepper and got the arc reactor out of my chest, didn't I?  And neither of us have become homicidal maniacs, have we?"  
   There was a slight pause, during which Tony *knew* Rhodey thought about Ultron.  
   "Seriously, Rhodey, it was just the one time!  I accidentally made a homicidal AI just the one time, and everyone keeps on giving me crap for it!"  
   "Hell of a mistake to make," said Rhodey.  "But, as you say, Pepper's perfectly fine."  
   "Oh yeah," said Tony, "she only wants to murder me, not anyone else, and only every other day."  
   "You still haven't told me about EXTREMIS and why I was told to come babysit you before you cause some major disaster with it."  
   Tony wondered if it was Pepper or FRIDAY who'd contacted the Avengers, then decided it didn't matter, since they were both already on the list of people who were out to get him.  Usually they were just out to get him to sleep, but still, they were on the list.  
   "So, uh, it started with these.  Here, put 'em on."  
   Rhodey tried on the StarkTech glasses and looked around.  
   "You just lighted up in green, with 'Friend' and 'No anomalies' next to you."  
   "Uh-huh!  They scan for possible threats.  I was giving them a field test on the 3rd floor and saw this girl."  
   He handed over a tablet with the images of Miss Woodgrove.  Rhodey flicked through them.  
   "Huh.  'Scans as male'?  What's that about?"  
   "Long story short, not my finest hour.  But anyway, because of this whole mess, I've been reading up about trans people and all the shit they have to go through and then even after surgery and transition they don't have a proper body!  It sucks.  Imagine if they could use EXTREMIS to properly and easily change sexes."  
   "EXTREMIS had a tendency to blow people up," Rhodey pointed out.  
   "Yes but only because Killian was stupid.  That's easy to fix, just make EXTREMIS run a pre-set program and don't rely on feeble human willpower to control it."  
   "...huh," said Rhodey.  He looked deep in thought.  "You might actually be on to something."  
   Tony smirked.  "Of course I'm on to something."  There was a ding as the third simulation finished -  this one also showed the process was feasible and perfectly safe and easily reversible.  
   "Wait, what was that?" Rhodey asked, his voice apprehensive, and his eyes darting around the room.  
   "It was great news, Rhodey!  It means this is gonna work!  Check this out!"  
   Tony's body glowed a bright yellow, the metal floor beneath him sizzled, and he gave off a whole lot of steam and then the sprinklers kicked in and doused him.  Except he wasn't a he anymore, but a she, shorter and in clothes that were burnt, drenched, and slightly too big for her.  
   "Huh," said the newly-female Tony, and looked at the scorched floor.  "So there might be a couple of things to iron out.  But check it out!  I'm Toni with an i!  All that was missing were the *BOING*BOING*SHOOP* sound effects!"  
   Rhodey was staring.  Finally he managed to say, "You're mad, Toni with an i."  
   "You sure you don't want to try this out?"  
   "Hell no," Rhodey said vehemently.  "Nuh-uh.  No way.  I like myself as I am, and I had enough of EXTREMIS three years ago."  
   "The boss lady has cancelled her meeting and is on her way," FRIDAY said helpfully.  "She should be here in sixty seconds."  
   "Oh, this should be good," Rhodey said.  
   "*Sooner*, FRIDAY, tell me these things *sooner*," Tony insisted.  
   "I just did!  Forty seconds sooner this time!"  
   "I'm doomed," Tony moaned.  
   "Uh-huh," Rhodey agreed.  
   In time, the door swished open, admitting the latest Pepperpocalypse.  She looked like she was about to start shouting, then she saw that Tony had become Toni.  "Tony?" said Pepper, aghast.  
   "No, it's Toni with an i!" said Tony.  
   "What have you *done?!?*  FRIDAY, Rhodey, I thought I told you to keep him away from the EXTREMIS!"  
   So it was Pepper who'd told the Avengers he needed babysitting.  Good to know.  Honestly, he loved her to death, but sometimes she got very annoying and went on and on about how he worked too hard and was too reckless and needed to sleep more and so on, like right now.  
   "Don't worry Pep, I'll change myself back!  Well, once I work out a couple of things."  
   "What things?!?"  
   "I kind of burnt the floor.  And you need boingboingshoop sound effects.  Or shoopshoopbonng effects, depending on which way you're going."  
   "You're mad," said Pepper.  
   "I told him that too," said Rhodey.  
   "Why yes I'm mad," said Tony.  "But not because I've temporarily changed myself into a chick.  What I'm mad about is all the crap that Miss Woodgrove, our other trans employess, and all other trans people have had to put up with, chasing an ideal that isn't even ideal, often at great personal expense.  Once I get this stuff sorted out, this is something that SI should totally get behind and push."  
   "That's actually a pretty cool idea, Tony," said Rhodey.  
   "I know right??"  
   "...interesting," said Pepper.  "This could actually work, but it'll need a lot more testing, and we have to be absolutely certain that there'll be no side effects from the EXTREMIS."  
   "Oh, come on Pep," Tony mock-whined.  "The idea of EXTREMIS is actually perfectly sound.  After all, you're all OK, and I got the arc reactor out of my chest, didn't I?  And neither of us have become homicidal maniacs, have we?"  
   There was the familiar slight pause during which he just *knew* she was thinking about the Ultron fiasco.  
   "Oh, come *on*!  You accidentally make one homicidal AI and everyone judges you forever!"  
  
===  
  
Chapter 2 - Emails to Fiji  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: Science Bro  
Subject:  Hey, check this out!  
  
Heeeey Brucey!  
I bet you're wondering how it is I'm emailing you, to which I respond, I've been a genius hacker extraordinaire since almost before I could walk and talk.  Don't worry, your totally secret email address is safe with me!  I'd totally prefer it if you came back, you know.  The labs feel very empty without my Science Bro.  
But!  I've got something really important I need you to look at!  Check out the attached video file.  I know the sound is weird, I can't get the *BOING*BOING*SHOOP* sound effects to work quite right yet, but they're not important.  Could you check the attached biometrics?  
  
-  
  
From: <Withheld>  
To: Tony Stark  
Subject:  RE: Hey, check this out!  
  
I still don't understand how you could even *find* this email address.  I've had lots of practice at disappearing, and haven't even used it yet!  And then you email me for this?  Some silly video?  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: Science Bro  
Subject:  RE: Hey, check this out!  
  
Yep!  And it's not some silly video, it's actually real, if you were to check the attached biometrics, which are attached, you know, below, where attachments are usually attached.  Which you must have seen because you obviously opened the attached video file?  
By the way, here's another attached video file of the process, all improved!  There's much less heating up and almost no glowing and absolutely no scorching anymore, and you can even make out the sound effects!  Along with more biometric data, which you know, would be nice to get your opinion on?  Because you're an amazing biologist and biochemist?  
  
-  
  
From: <Withheld>  
To: Tony Stark  
Subject:  RE: Hey, check this out!  
  
You're mad.  And you really don't need those sound effects.  
But alright, I've looked through your attached biometrics and have attached my own response as an attachment in the place where the attachments go.  Short summary:  You seem to be a perfectly normal woman, as crazy as that sounds, but I can't say much more without proper testing equipment.  
Could you please leave this email address alone for a while?  It's not entirely safe.  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: Science Bro  
Subject:  RE: Hey, check this out!  
  
Thanks Science Bro!  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: Science Bro  
Subject:  RE: Hey, check this out!  
  
Uh, are you there?  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: Science Bro  
Subject:  RE: Hey, check this out!  
  
You're not giving me the cold shoulder or the silent treatment or something?  My newly feminine sensibilities shudder at the thought!  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: Science Bro  
Subject:  RE: Hey, check this out!  
  
Oh come onnnnnnnn.  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: Science Bro  
Subject:  RE: Hey, check this out!  
  
*And* you've changed your address again?  Fine, be that way.  
  
-  
  
From: <Withheld>  
To: Tony Stark  
Subject:  RE: Hey, check this out!  
  
Check the news from Fiji.  I guess you haven't?  
My phone, even though it was on silent, rang and alerted me to all your emails anyway.  Neat trick!  But very inconvenient.  It rather surprised the guards, who all had guns, and the Other Guy came out to play for a while.  
This is exactly why I'm trying to stay *away* from dangerous situations, by the way.  
So of course I have a new phone and a new untraceable address.  Well, untraceable for *most* people.  
When I say to please not contact me on this address, I really mean it!  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: Science Bro  
Subject:  RE: Hey, check this out!  
  
If you're around jumpy guards with guns you're not doing a very good job at staying away from dangerous situations.  But those guys in Fiji turned out to be real assholes, so good on you and the Other Guy for dealing with them.  
You didn't say I shouldn't contact you in your latest email, so I'm responding to say, "OK, sure, got it!"  I'll only contact you in the case of alien invasions or murderkillbots or the Avengers trying to kill each other or something.  
Anyway, thanks for your help Bruce!  You're a lifesaver!  Enjoy Indonesia!  
  
===  
  
Chapter 3 - Expected and unexpected  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: Ann Woodgrove  
Subject: Come see me if you want to live  
  
Ha, made you look at this email, didn't I?  Don't worry, I'm not about to kill you or anything, and there's no robot from the future out to kill you either.  Come to Central Park at 12:30pm, to be more specific.  Don't worry about finding me, I'll find you.  
  
-  
  
It was only a short walk from Stark Tower to Central Park.  Ann spent most of that walk completely freaking out.  Two days ago, Tony Stark, the world famous Iron Man and Avenger and her sort-of boss, almost shot her.  Totally by accident, but it had been pants-wettingly terrifying.  What did he want with her now?  
   She entered Central Park and into the Grand Army Plaza, and looked around.  How was Mr. Stark going to find her?  There were a lot of people about.  
   "Oh, there you are Ann!" called a voice.  "I can call you Ann, right?"  
   It must have been for some other Ann, she didn't recognise the voice.  She kept on looking around for Mr. Stark.  
   "You might be thinking I'm looking for some other Ann, since you don't recognise my voice, but I'm right here," said a voice, right behind her.  "Though right now I'm Toni with an i."  
   "Huh?"  Ann looked behind her and saw a woman, with dark curly hair and dark eyes and dressed in an Iron Man T-Shirt.  She looked *really* familiar.  "What's going on?"  
   "As I said, I'm Toni with an i.  I'm testing out something new and turned myself into a chick.  Well, it's actually a new application of something old, but details.  You know, this is pretty cool!  I'm totally incognito!  I've never been totally incognito in my whole entire life!  Do you want to go get an overpriced hotdog, or maybe shawarma, from a totally unsuspecting street vendor?"  
   Now that Ann was looking, she could see that the woman looked quite a lot like a female version of Tony Stark.  But without the designer beard.  Without that, unless you were specifically trying to place her, you'd never realise who you were looking at.  
   "I know right, great disguise, don't you think?"  
   "This is... real?  You really changed yourself into a girl?"  
   "Well, I'm over 40 so I might be better called a woman, but yes.  Come on, let's get an overpriced hotdog!"  
   Ann, totally bemused, let Mr. Stark (who ohmygod was currently a woman and maybe Ms Stark?) drag her to the nearest foodcart, where they did indeed buy overpriced hotdogs.  
   "Uh, why did you want to see me, Mr. Stark?"  
   "Please, call me Toni with an i," said the other woman with a smirk, and took a bite.  "Ack!  Too much mustard!  What happened to my tastebuds?"  
   "Uh, did your tastebuds change too?"  
   "Apparently so.  Hm.  But this isn't too bad.  How's yours?"  
   "Uh... it just tastes like a hotdog?  I can't believe you actually paid the guy $7 each for them."  
   "You're ruining the moment, Ann.  I can never just go out and get greasy overpriced street food and just hang out like this."  
   "But why'd you want to see me, Mis... er, Toni?"  
   "Well, Pepper would quite probably chain me up if I suggested the merest idea of this excursion to her, Happy would have at least ten inept security guards following me and he'd be far too stressed to enjoy the moment, and Rhodey would tell Pepper or Happy or maybe even the military.  I was serious when I said I've never been incognito in my entire life.  I was in all the magazines and papers when I was born and people have been watching my every move since.  This is actually kind of awesome.  People look at me and have no idea who I am."  
   "Oh.  You don't like all the attention?"  
   "Are you kidding?  I love it!" Toni said, and threw her arms out.  Everyone looked at her strangely for a moment, then shrugged and went back to their business - they were New Yorkers, after all.  "But I also sometimes wonder - what's it like to not have all the attention?  What's it like to be just a normal person, having to pay $7 for a greasy hotdog?  If Tony Stark himself wandered out of Stark Tower to find out, he'd get a red carpet lined with security guards and the vendor would give it to him for free.  I can't ever be a normal guy, Ann.  Except, now I can!  Well, except for the fact I'm a chick, not a guy, but details.  So!  I bet you're wondering how I pulled that off!"  
   "You said something about a new application of something old.  What's that about?"  
   "That's the memory and inquisitiveness we like to see in SI employees!  Endquote.  Anyway, you remember the Mandarin three years ago, and me going missing, and the president being kidnapped from Air Force One?  A lot of it's classified but at the center of it all there was some tech that could do things like regrow lost limbs, fix great big holes in people, and, as it turns out, it can also change your sex.  I've tried it on me.  Do you want me to try it on you, and turn you into an actual proper woman with a proper female body?"  
   Ann felt stunned.  "You... you would actually do that?  But... wouldn't it be really expensive?"  
   Toni grinned.  "Ann, since the mix-up at the office a couple of days ago - sorry about that again - I've been reading about trans stuff.  The stuff you guys have to put up with is awful and neverending and then you don't even get a proper female body!  I'd like to help change that.  And, well, I also need people to help test."  
   "Of course," Ann sighed.  "But I'd love to sign on!"  
  
-  
  
   Ann had the EXTREMIS in her body, they'd made various adjustments, and Tony was putting the final touches on the program.  There was only one more thing he needed to know.  "Hey, do you want *boing*boing*shoop* sound effects?" he asked.  
   "Huh?"  
   "Oh, I put in optional sound effects.  But I guess they wouldn't apply to you anyway."  
   "Boss, the boss lady is incoming," FRIDAY said.  
   Tony sighed.  Of course.  And FRIDAY telling him meant he probably only had twenty seconds before the inevitable Pepperpocalypse.  "Meaning she's almost here?"  
   "Of course, boss."  
   The door swished open and admitted a very annoyed Pepper.  "Tony, *what* are you doing?"  
   "Oh, Ann here's agreed to help me test the EXTREMIS transformation."  
   "What?  No!  What if something goes wrong?"  
   Tony made soothing motions with his hands.  "Don't worry Pep, I've been changing myself back and forth and all the kinks are worked out!  See?"  
   Tony pressed a button, glowed only slightly, and changed from a he into a she, along with the *BOING*BOING*SHOOP* sound effects he'd been working so hard to make work.  
   "Tada!" said the female-again Tony, spreading her arms wide.  "I'm Toni with an i, and there was only a slight amount of heating up, no scorching of the floor, and no sprinklers activating.  And now, the other way!"  
   With the press of another button, Tony glowed again, and changed from a she back to a he, this time with *SHOOP*SHOOP*BONNNG!* sound effects.  
   "And here I am as Tony with a y again.  That makes it thirty transformations now!  FRIDAY, please put up the graphs showing the biological accuracy and the temperature of the transformation."  
   Some holoscreens appeared, showing the requested graphs.  The biological accuracy was hovering around the %100 mark for every transformation, with only slight blips.  The transformation temperature had gone right down.  
   "Seriously, everyone thinks I'm about to invent the next coming of the nuclear bomb, but all I ever did with EXTREMIS was fix the stupid thing, it was Killian who couldn't make it work properly.  Oh, by the way Ann, forget I said that name."  
   "Who?" asked Ann.  
   "Good girl."  
   "This is still totally irresponsible and probably illegal, you aren't allowed to run tests on SI employees like this!"  
   "Uh, Ms Potts?"  
   Pepper refocused her gaze, to look at Ann.  Ann was looking... desperate?  Nervous?  
   "I'm sure you have in my records all the trouble I went through when transitioning?  And then at the end of it I ended up in this stupid halfway there body.  It's just a hack job!  It's not a proper female body at all, just a guy's body, hacked and chopped around, rearranged by surgery and hormone treatments, and it'll never work properly ever again, after everything I put it through.  And now Mr Stark is saying he can give me a proper female body, which is all I ever wanted, and which I could never, ever, have, except now I can!  I have to do this!  Only, I can skip those sound effects."  
   "Fair enough, you've already done the boinging and shooping anyway."  
   "Wait!" said Pepper, but Tony activated the program.  
   Ann glowed, feeling herself get really hot, and then she... sort of changed?  Except her body already looked female, so she didn't really change all that much.  She seemed to get thinner in a couple of places and, uh, larger in others.  
   "Huh.  Looked like nothing much happened, but I guess it wouldn't.  You were most of the way there already," said Tony.  
   "Ohmygod Miss Woodgrove are you okay?!?"  
   "Don't worry I... whoa, my voice!  I guess I don't... I mean..." Ann stopped, and tried again, without trying to making her voice sound female, because her voice box now actually *was* female.  "Is this any better?  Great!  Oh wow, I don't have to fake my voice anymore!  This is going to take some getting used to!  But don't worry Ms Potts, I'm just fine!"  
   "Are you *sure*?  EXTREMIS is extremely dangerous!"  
   "It is?  Mr Stark assured me it was just fine, and he's been using it no problem, right?"  
   "It's been just fine for 3 years, after I fixed it.  Hm.  So, your voice has changed, what about your wrists and ankles?  Those are usually big tells."  
   Ann rolled her sleeve back and looked at her arm and grinned.  "Girly wrists!  And girly hands!  Thanks Mr. Stark!"  
   "Don't get too happy yet.  I'm going to have to call in Dr. Cho to prod at you and have a look at you and make sure you're all female and all OK.  And I'm going to have to... oh.  I probably can't change you back and forth."  
   "You can't?" asked Pepper.  
   "If I tried reversing things Ann would probably just end up in her original male body, before all the changes were made.  This wouldn't help the experimental data at all.  And it'd freak her out."  
   "Yes," said Ann, and shivered.  "Yes it would.  I spent a very long time getting away from that body."  
  
-  
  
   "Hm," said Helen Cho, looking through her scans, noticing some oddities with Miss Woodgrove's musculoskeletal system.  "You seem normal... I think?  I don't know a lot about EXTREMIS," she said, "but there seems to be something extra that's happened to you, Miss Woodgrove."  
   "Is there something wrong, Dr. Cho?" Ann asked.  
   "There might be something weird," the doctor admitted.  "Lift that," she said, and pointed towards a cardboard packing box in the corner.  "Pb" was scribbled on top of it.  
   "Pb... as in lead?"  Ann tried lifting the box.  It was pretty heavy, but it felt more like a box filled with paper, which was liftable.  "I guess not, this is too light."  
   "Uh, it actually is.  Put it down.  Carefully, please, it's actually really heavy."  
   "Ah!  Okay."  Ann carefully put the cardboad box back down, wondering what was going on.  She didn't know a lot about EXTREMIS either, but the program had so far only been used to change a normal sized male into a normal sized female, probably losing some mass on the way... but Ann hadn't lost any mass in her transformation.  Had there been some leftover EXTREMIS, making her body more, well, everything?  
   "How heavy?"  She quickly ran through some mental calculations, coming with a number that couldn't possibly be right.  "It can't possibly be 700 kilograms.  And, uh, why do you have a box of lead this heavy?"  
   "For sudden urgent strength testing.  Like this.   And yes, it is indeed around 700 kilograms.  Your musculoskeletal system has, well, improved.  Drastically."  
   Ann felt a bit weak in the knees.  She was superstrong now?  "Oh my god."  
   "I need to scan you some more."  
   "Yes, I'm sure you do.  Scan away."  
  
-  
  
   "See, Tony, this is why you need to *test* things," Pepper said.  "And properly!"  
   Rhodey focused in on the really important question.  "Is there any chance of her exploding?"  
   "What?  What's this about me exploding?"  
   "I keep on telling everyone, I fixed EXTREMIS and fixed Pepper and used it on myself and neither Pepper nor I have exploded once in the past three years, and I've been using it a lot on me in the past two days and I haven't exploded in the past two days either.  It was that hack Killian who couldn't make it work!"  
   "I don't want to explode!"  
   "Well that's good because you're not going to."  
   "Mr. Stark, you need to be more responsible with this sort of thing!"  
   "Not you too Helen!"  
   "<How typical,>" Dr. Cho said, this time in Korean.  
   "<Is it?  I don't want to explode!>" Ann said, also in Korean.  
   "<I keep on saying, nobody's going to be doing any exploding!>" Tony said.  "<OK, increased strength and durability, I wasn't expecting...>  Oh, wait, this bit would be better in English, so Pepper and Rhodey can follow on.  Anyway, increased strength and durability, I wasn't expecting that, but, okay.  Let me think... the obvious difference is the mass difference.  I lost a bunch of mass when I changed myself into a chick, but Minihulkie here didn't."  
   "Uh... Minihulkie?" asked the Minihulkie in question.  
   "Yep!"  Tony ran through some calculations in his head, then headed over to a terminal and started working through them.  
   "How long is this going to take, Tony?" asked Pepper.  
   "Not long," said Tony.  "I've got an idea already but I need to run some sims to make sure.  FRIDAY?"  
   "On it boss!"  
   The air around them filled with holographic displays of human figures, modeling the effects of EXTREMIS of various quantities and intensities.  A few of the figures became noticeably bulkier, and one of the male figures became almost Hulk-like.  Tony checked the figures on it.  Okay, that was definitely one to avoid.  As much as he liked Bruce, everybody agreed that another Hulk was probably a bad idea.  
   "What just happened to that one?" asked Rhodey, pointing to the Hulk-like figure.  
   "Far too much EXTREMIS, applied far too quickly.  Oh, beeteedubs everyone, you'll notice none of these figures are exploding, just hulking out.  Anyway, that's very very far off what actually happened to Minihulkie here."  He swiped all the holographic figures out of the air except for one, which was a female figure that hadn't changed at all.  
   "So, here we have what actually happened to her.  The program was expecting a significant reduction in mass when going from male to female, but in Minihulkie's case there was hardly any change in mass.  This resulted in extra EXTREMIS in her system, all working on making her, well, more her.  This had the effect of making her a super-her, with increased physical capabilities.  Nothing to worry about!"  
   Rhodey snorted.  "Well, except for the fact we've got yet another super on our hands.  There's a lot more out there than you realise."  
   "Like the Devil of Hell's Kitchen?"  
   "And others," said Rhodey.  "He's just a more obvious one.  Miss Woodgrove, please come with me, you'll need to come see the Avengers."  
   "What, I'm not an Avenger anymore?" Tony mock-whined.  "Can I come?"  
   "The *rest* of the Avengers," Rhodey hastily amended.  "Rather than reading the report they'd better see her in person."  
  
-  
  
"Hi everyone, good to see you again, may I present to you the girl you've all been hearing about, step right up, it's Miiiiiiiinihulkie!"  
   Ann really hoped that didn't become her new nickname.  Well, with Tony Stark it was a lost cause, it seemed that to him she was going to be Minihulkie until the end of time.  She hoped nobody else would call her that.  
   "She needs a better name," said Falcon.  "She's not big and green at all."  
   "Best I could do on short notice," said Mr. Stark.  "Anyway!  Minihulkie!  May I present to you, the world's greatest superheroes, the Avengers mark 2!"  
   "Avengers mark 2?" asked Captain America.  
   "Well you don't have me, Birdbrain, or Thor, and Bruce is freaked out about causing any more damage and has gone into hiding."  
   "Yes, somewhere in Indonesia," Captain America replied.  
   "How did you - oh, right, super spy stuff."  
   "How did *you* know where he is?"  
   "Trade secret.  So yes, with such a big roster change, of course you're the Avengers mark 2!"  
   This was so cool!  Ann was getting to meet the Avengers!  In person!  And listen to them banter!  It's not every day you got to see real-life superhero celebrities right up close like this.  It was also pants-wettingly terrifying, because these were the Avengers and they were trying to figure out how dangerous she was.  That sucked.  
   The infamous Black Widow wasn't joining in the friendly banter, and was instead giving Ann a coldly calculating look.  Ann was hoping that the super-assassin wouldn't suddenly decide that she was too dangerous to stay alive.  
   They had her run through some tests in the gym.  Well, by "tests", they meant having her lift increasingly heavy weights and run on treadmills and so on.  She felt vey self-conscious while doing it, feeling a bit like a hamster running in its wheel, or like a monkey doing tricks in a cage.  
   She could lift a whole 1000 kilograms!  But not a lot more.  Her increased muscular strength and improved endurance also meant she could run much faster for a lot longer.  And when she hit the punching bag as hard as she could, it split and was ripped from the ceiling and landed, leaking sand everywhere.  
   "Oops.  Um, sorry," she said.  "I didn't mean to break it."  
   "Eh, it's OK, Cap does that all the time," said Falcon.  
   "ITF Taekwondo, yes?" Black Widow asked.  
   "Uh... yes?  But that was a while ago.  I'm out of practice."  
   "Flashy, not very practical, and yes, it's obvious you're out of practice.  And since you're female you should try a kick instead.  So let's have you try a kick.  Cap, another bag please."  
   Captain America lifted up one of the spare punching bags and hooked it to the ceiling.  "Alright, you're good to go."  
   "Right then, Miss Woodgrove," Black Widow said.  "Treat this like a breaking competition.  I'm sure you've done a break with a side piercing kick?"  Ann nodded.  "OK, think back to that.  You're going to do that again, but this time a whole lot harder.  Take your measure."  
   She was really out of practice and not quite as flexible as she used to be.  With a bit of difficulty, she measured the length to the bag.  
   "A bit closer now, you're trying to kick through it, not tickle it in the side."  
   She shuffled a footwidth closer.  
   "Good.  Take your stance.  Concentrate.  Remember your training.  Remember what it was like to break those boards.  Ready yourself, you're about to do that again.  Breathe in!  Concentrate!  And go!"  
   With a mighty shout she lunged forwards with the best kick she could muster.  
   This time the bag didn't just break, it exploded, spraying sand absolutely everywhere.  Everybody stared, including Ann.  Except for Black Widow, who smirked, with a self-satisfied "I told you so" expression on her face.  
   "Yep, you should definitely be called Minihulkie," Mr. Stark said.  
   "Uh, sorry about that," Ann finally said.  "I didn't think I'd do *that*."  
   Captain America winced.  "I don't think we'll be able to fix that one."  
   "Of course we can't!" said Falcon.  "It exploded!  Not even you've managed to make one explode like that, Steve!"  
   "I wondered why I was paying for so many punching bags," said Mr Stark.  
   All this talk about things exploding, so soon after Mr Stark and Ms Potts and Colonel Rhodes and Dr Cho were talking about her possibly exploding, made her uneasy.  "Uh... sorry about that... can we please stop talking about things exploding?  I'm still not over people discussing if I might explode myself."  
   "Miss Woodgrove," said Black Widow, handing her a strip of cloth.  "Stand in the middle of the ring and wear this blindfold please."  
   "Uh, why do I need a blindfold?"  
   "Just wear it."  
   Extremely nervous, Ann took the blindfold, stood in the middle of the boxing ring, and tied it around her eyes.  She stood there, unable to see what was going on, wondering if she was about to be killed or something.  
   "Don't move," said Black Widow.  
   "Wait, what is she doing?" said Scarlet Witch, followed shortly by everyone shouting.  
   She felt a touch and then a light poke and then a hard shove and then a sharp poke in her upper right arm.  
   "Ow!  What just happened?" she asked.  She reached up to her arm and felt a slight trickle of blood.  "What?  Blood?"  
   "Black Widow!" Captain America called.  "Stop right now!  That is definitely enough!"  
   "Yes it is, she's bleeding now.  Alright, finishing up.  You can take the blindfold off now, Miss Woodgrove."  
   Ann, quite gratefully, took the blindfold off, relishing the ability to actually *see* things again... and immediately saw Black Widow with a blood-flecked sword.  She went weak in the kneees, realising she'd just been hit with an actual sword.  
   "A *sword*?  You hit me with a sword?!?" Ann said, voice quavering.  
   "Yes.  With increasing levels of strength," said Black Widow.  "Don't worry, you're tough enough and it didn't do much except scratch you and you still have your arm attached to you.  And even if it came off Stark could fix you with EXTREMIS."  
   "What *is* this?  You tried cutting my arm off?"  She looked down at her arm, and saw that there was a big bloodstained slice in her shirt, and a small cut underneath.  "Hey!  This is one of my favourite shirts, too!"  
   "I'll get you a new one," said Black Widow.  "And before you complain, I am actually allowed to go as far as drawing blood to assess your capabilities."  
   "We need a better system," she heard Colonel Rhodes say.  
   "Yeah, that was really disturbing," Falcon said.  
   "If you can figure out a way to test someone's durability, without actually hitting them with increasingly powerful weapons until they bleed, I'm all ears," said Black Widow.  
   "Seriously?" Mr. Stark said.  "That's how you test how tough someone is?  I'm coming up with a better test for you guys, as soon as I get back to the lab."  
   "Let me know how it goes," said Black Widow.  She turned back to address Ann.  "So, Miss Woodgrove, you'll need to watch out.  Just a sword wielded by a mostly normal human was enough to draw blood.  A single shot from a handgun would break through your skin, but probably not hurt you too much.  Anything heavier duty than that will probably cause significant damage."  
   Ann wanted to stay as far away as possible from the extremely scary woman after that.  
   "It was just testing," Black Widow said, rolling her eyes.  "I'm not actually going to try hitting you with a sword again, and I'm not actually going to kill you.  All I'm trying to do is let you know how tough you really are, before you go off and try to face down an alien invasion or stop a gang war or something silly like that."  
   "Uh... thanks?"  
   "And before we let you go I'm teaching you how to hit again."  Black Widow pointed to the remnants of the exploded punching bag.  "Because we can't have you doing that by accident."  
  
  
=====  
  
Chapter 4 - Emails and recordings  
  
Picture a diner in the little winding streets of downtown Manhattan.  This is not one of the more famous diners.  It is small, discreet, and absolutely excellent for having a meeting a little out of the public eye.  Like this meeting that was about to happen.  
   Serafina (* not her actual name), clad in purple hoodie with the hood up, wandered into the diner and looked around for her contact.  The voice on the phone had said she'd be easy to find, she was a really big Iron Man fan.  
   The contact wasn't hard to find.  She was wearing a slightly too tight Iron Man T-Shirt, black jeans, and gold sunglasses with a red frame.  Her hair was short and dark and curly, she had deep dark eyes, and a slightly Mediterannean look to her.  
   Serafina walked over.  "Iron Man Fan, I presume?"  
   "Uh-huh!  And you'd be Serafina (* not her actual name)?"  
   Serafina gave the woman an annoyed stare.  "I don't have to be here, you know."  
   "Fair enough.  Pull up a seat!"  Iron Man Fan wove to the man behind the counter.  "Another hotdog please!"  
   "Are they any good?"  
   "They're actually terrible and too mustardy for me, but don't tell the chef that.  Besides, the hotdogs are just for cover."  
   The diner wasn't all that busy, so Serafina had her overpriced hotdog almost straightaway.  She gave it an experimental chew.  "Hey, this is actually alright."  
   "Maybe it's just my tastebuds."  
   "Maybe it is.  So, Iron Man Fan, why are we here and talking about hotdogs and your tastebuds?  You said you wanted to talk about this medical breakthrough."  
   "Yeah, we'll get to that.  First, though, I have to tell you a couple of things before we say anything.  First, I have to record this conversation, for my higher-ups.  Second, when you go to their higher-ups, and their higher-ups, and you go very very high up the chain, you get to Virginia Potts and Tony Stark.  I can try to keep this confidential as much as possible, but if Tony Stark decides to dig, he'll find out about this conversation and who you are very quickly.  You get me?"  
   Serafina judged the woman in front of her, who was suddenly very earnest and not blathering on about food.  "How do I know Tony Stark won't be, well, his usual self?  I told you on the phone, going public would be a dumb idea, and his idea of restraint is nonexistent."  
   The woman chuckled.  "Really?  I guess I can belive that."  
   "Lady, don't you have *any* idea?  Just watch the 'no weapons' conference or the 'I'm Iron Man' conference, and the shitstorms that followed.  Dude obviously wasn't supposed to say those things.  So I'm telling you now, this wonder invention of his?  *Don't* go public like that.  Yes, there are lots of us in the trans community who would *love* something like that, that lets us change fully over.  But if he goes public the way he usually does, he'd create a shitstorm of transphobic hate of epic proportions, and his company would take a massive battering.  You know how Stark stock took a massive battering after the 'no weapons' and 'I'm Iron Man' conferences?"  
   "That bad?"  
   "Even worse.  People don't like trans people."  
   "So what are you and your friends saying?"  
   "Be very very careful how you sell this."  
   "Hm.  And how would *you* sell this?"  
   Serafina gave a humorless chuckle.  "You're kidding, right?  That's *way* above my pay grade, and for marketing wizards, not the likes of me."  
   "Alright, thanks Serafina, I've got what I need here," Iron Man Fan said.  
   "Wait, did you just record all that?"  
   "I'm afraid so."  
   "Bitch.  I hope for all our sakes that Stark actually shows restraint for once."  
   Iron Man Fan grinned enigmatically.  "You know, just this once, I think he might."  
   "You'd better be right."  
  
-  
  
   As CEO of Stark Industries, Pepper's life seemed to consist of endless meetings, and preparations for meetings, and discussing the results of meetings, planning the next round of meetings, rescheduling meetngs so she could have other meetings, and trying to control Tony.  Which was often difficult.  Tony had absolutely no sense of restraint.  His 'no weapons' and 'I'm Iron Man' conferences had become prime examples of his impulsiveness, and she'd even heard through the grapevine that these were being taught in business classes in how *not* to run a company.  
   They hadn't hurt SI in the long run, but at the time there'd been so much controversy, and the stock had slid so much, people had wondered if SI would ever recover.  
   She picked up the latest example of Tony's Lack of Restraint, which was him being spotted in downtown Manhattan, entirely by himself.  "What's Stark up to now?!?" the headlines breathlessly shouted.  Shortly afterwards, the Iron Man armor had flown out of the sky and assembled around him, and then he'd shot up up and away.  
   For god's sake, all Tony had to do was just stand around in the middle of the city and he generated headlines.  
   "Uh, boss?"  
   "Yes?" asked Pepper, looking up.  
   "There's, uh, a package for you."  
   "Bring it in."  
   "I can't, Ma'am.  There's five security guards with it!  They demand that you sign for it!"  
   Oh.  This must be the results of that conversation with PR.  
   "Very good.  Do you have some SI security guards?"  
   "Yes, they're right here Ma'am."  
   Pepper went outside, and under the watchful eye of about ten security gaurds and her very scared PA, signed for the package.  
  
-  
  
From: PR  
To: Virgina Potts  
Priority: CEO EYES ONLY  
  
Ms Potts,  
  
As per your instructions and the conversation we had two days ago, we have reached out to the minority group in question and made discreet enquiries.  A recording of said conversation is enclosed in the accompanying package.  Under no circumstances copy said conversation to any device.  All other copies of the conversation have been deleted.  
  
The opinions expressed in said recording conform with our own market research which we have conducted independently.  The product in question would be extremely difficult to market without causing massive harm to the company and the target audience.  
  
-  
  
   Pepper hadn't really expected anything else.  Tony's heart was in the right place, but how on earth were you to market something as controversial as this?  
   Out of interest she shook the device in the package out onto her desk.  It contained an MP3 player with headphones attached, and an accompanying note saying "Only ever listen to this on the headphones!"  
   She rolled her eyes, put in the headphones, and played the recorded conversation.  
  
-  
  
From: CEO  
To: Tony Stark  
Subject:  OH MY GOD YOU DID WHAT  
  
Tony, please tell me why it is that I heard Toni with an i conducting important research, before I forget that you are in fact the love of my life and throttle you.  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: CEO  
Subject:  RE: OH MY GOD YOU DID WHAT  
  
Apparently, even the lowliest of PR drones sometimes decide to contract difficult and contentious fact-finding research to an outside PI.  I guess this Toni person was a trustworthy enough PI?  
  
So, tell me, does this have anything to do with That Invention that I keep on pestering you we need to go public with?  ;p  
  
-  
  
From: CEO  
To: Tony Stark, Helen Cho  
Subject:  The Invention  
  
I know you're both interested in how things are progressing in bringing The Invention to market.  As I'm sure you can guess, such a difficult and contentious invention would be very difficult to bring to market successfully.  Market research and discussion with reps from the target community all agree that, and I paraphrase:  
  
   "If he [Tony] goes public the way he usually does, he'd create a shitstorm of hate of epic proportions, and his company would take a massive battering.  You know how Stark stock took a massive battering after the 'no weapons' and 'I'm Iron Man' conferences?"  
   "That bad?"  
   "Even worse."  
  
TONY YOU ARE NOT TO SAY ANYTHING.  I know this is hard for you, and you think that you have armor because you're an eccentric genius billionaire.  While SI has the capital to survive such a battering, we do not want to hurt the very people we are trying to help!  
  
-  
  
From: Helen Cho  
To: CEO, Tony Stark  
Subject: RE: The Invention  
  
You don't have to worry Ms Potts, I won't say anything.  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: CEO, Helen Cho  
Subject: RE: The Invention  
  
OK OK fair enough, I get it.  I won't say anything.  I really will be the very model of restraint.  This time.  For a while.  
  
That said, has Marketing and PR come up with any strategey on how to actually market The Invention?  
  
-  
  
From: CEO  
To: Tony Stark, Helen Cho  
Subject: RE: The Invention  
  
No, not yet.  They're just telling us to sit tight for now.  
  
-  
  
From: CEO  
To: PR Head  
Subject: RE: The Invention  
  
As you can see from the email trail, all who know about it will remain quiet about The Invention, as impossible as that sounds.  But while Tony will stay quiet for now, YOU KNOW WHAT HE'S LIKE.  Please tell me you're working out a marketing strategy and you'll have one soon.  
  
-  
  
From: PR Head  
To: CEO  
Subject: RE: The Invention  
  
Sure, Ms. Potts, we will, and we'll move on to figuring out how to market the revived clone of Adolf Hitler next.  
  
We're not sure if this would *ever* be marketable.  
  
-  
  
From: CEO  
To: PR Head  
Subject: RE: The Invention  
  
While I understand this would be very difficult to market, not providing it to the target market would be just as bad.  We're trying to help them, not just ignore what they have to go through.  
  
-  
  
From: PR Head  
To: CEO  
Subject: RE: The Invention  
  
Ms Potts, with the greatest respect, you can ask as much as you like, some things are just impossible to sell.  
  
-  
  
From: CEO  
To: PR Head  
Subject: RE: The Invention  
  
I just did a Google search.  If I can do a Google search and find, within five minutes, a youtube video of an ad selling asbestos to the public, and another ad on why all religions should be banned, and said ads are actually somewhat believable, then I'm sure this latest invention is also marketable.  
  
-  
  
From: PR Head  
To: Marketing Head  
Subject: RE: The Invention  
  
If an Australian public broadcasting show has the budget to hire ad agencies to come up with ads to sell the unsellable, then we should have enough money to sell the second coming of the Third Reich as the best thing ever.  See the attached links.  
   As per the discussion we had earlier today, Tony Stark himself is desperate to get 'The Invention' to market.  It's become sort of holy crusade for him.  WE ALL KNOW WHAT HE'S LIKE.  We need to figure out something before he does something crazy in public and we have the disaster of all disasters on our hands.  So stop saying you can't sell the unsellable, because after the online videos I've seen, I'm not sure anything is unsellable.  
  
-  
  
From: Marketing Head  
To: PR Head  
Subject: RE: The Invention  
  
You do realise that's just a joke show right?  
  
-  
  
From: PR Head  
To: Marketing Head  
Subject: RE: The Invention  
  
A joke show that hires actual ad agencies and has people from actual ad agencies on its panel.  This time we can't go back to the CEO and get away with "It's impossible."  
  
-  
  
From: Marketing Head  
To: PR Head  
Subject: RE: The Invention  
  
Maybe that sort of thing flies in Australia but we are not Australia.  
  
-  
  
From: PR Head  
To: Marketing Head  
Subject: Oh it's on now (RE: The Invention)  
  
Did you seriously just try to pull the "Americans are too dumb" card on me?  For serious?  
Do you know which country invented the Onion?  America!  
Do you know which country invented The Late Show?  America!  
Do you know which country came up with the Apple I and the Apple II and the very *idea* of personal computers in the home that could be used by non-technical people?  That's right, America!  
Do you know which country came up with what eventually became the internet?  That's right, America again!  
And, of course, which country was the first to land a man on the moon?  That's right, us again!  
If anything is telling Americans are too dumb to do things it's ads from shitty-ass PR people and marketers!  It's time to stop saying "But we can't" and start saying "Let's figure this out!"  SO DO YOUR FRIGGING JOB!  
  
-  
  
Tony grinned to himself, reading through all these emails.  He brought up a screen and tried to find these ads Pepper had found online.  
   "Boss lady's coming," FRIDAY said.  
   He quickly swiped the screens away and brought up the schematics for the durability test thingy.  He wasn't quite sure how to do this yet, he was just sure there was a better way than, "hit with increasingly powerful weapons until bleeding is achieved".  Seriously, that had been quite disturbing to watch.  
   The doors swooshed open and Pepper walked in.  
   "Hi Tony," she said.  "What the heck is that?"  
   "When someone has increased strength or increased speed, that's easy to measure.  When they have increased durability, how do you measure that?  The Avengers need something that makes it easy to measure toughness and durability.  I haven't got it completely figured out yet."  
   "Um, before you do that, could you... uh... hack the SI mail server?"  
   "Wait.  Let me just get a picture of this.  Ms Virginia Potts, squeaky clean CEO of Stark Industries, wants me to hack the mail server."  He gave her a wide grin.  "And why would you want me to do that, hm?"  
   "It's PR.  I told them they need to figure out how to sell 'the invention', quote unquote.  They're resisting and saying it's unsellable, and I haven't heard anything from them for a while."  She sighed.  "I even told them that you're involved and you might do something crazy and there's a bit of a time limit, but there's still no response."  
   "Mm, yes, we all know how impulsive and crazy I can sometimes be!  So, you want me to hack the mail server and see what they're saying?  Child's play!"  Tony brought up a new holoscreen, and repeated the hack he'd done only a few minutes ago.  "Oh Pepper.  You told them what I'm like?"  
   "Might I remind you about Toni with an i and what she did."  
   "Fair enough," said Tony.  "Anyway, as you can see, it's PR and Marketing yelling at each other.  Is there really a show that came up with an ad to sell asbestos?"  
   "Yes."  
   They perused the email trail a bit more.  
   "Wow," said Tony, "I like this guy in PR.  He's on fire.  The Marketing guy's a pain in the ass though."  
   Another email in the war between PR and Marketing flitted by.  
   "Oh wow, they're really shouting at each other now," said Pepper.  "I think I might have to go stage an intervention before someone gets hurt."  
   "If you have to fire anyone fire that Marketing douchebag.  Hey, do you want me to throw an email to PR *and* Marketing, telling them to get a move on?"  
   "May I make a suggestion?" asked FRIDAY.  
   "Go ahead FRIDAY," said Tony.  
   "If the problem is that selling to the target market makes that market a target, and you really don't want that, then don't sell to that market.  It's a dead end.  Instead, find a way to sell to everyone.  Nobody feels excluded that way."  
   "Yeah, but who else is possibly going to *want* to use this invention?" asked Pepper.  
   Tony brought up another screen and did a search for 'erotic genderbender fiction' and ended up with thousands of results.  "I'm sure if it was cheap enough, most of these authors would try it out for at least a day."  
   Pepper stared at one of the results.  "What the... Virgil 'Pepper' Potts and Toni 'Iron Maiden' Stark, as garage attendants?  Steffi 'Da Kapitan' Rogers flits into their life with a shield-shaped surfboard, and confuses everything?  What?  What the actual hell?  People write this stuff about *us*?!?"  
   "Yep!  Pep, people write and draw crazy stuff about anything in the public eye.  You just ignore it and move on."  
   "O...kay, let's say there is a market of people who would change over just for a day... how do you resell to them?"  
   "If it's one-use only, and there are enough people who like to change over on the weekend and then have to change back on Monday, then it might work."  
   "How about you write an email to me saying you're feeling bored and you might do something nuts."  
   "And then you write to PR with this idea?  Why, what a fantastic idea, 'Virgil'!"  
   Pepper squirmed, obviously not liking that nickname.  Tony made a mental note to be careful with it.  Finally, Pepper said, "Never call me that again, and okay, let's do it."  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: CEO, PR Head  
Subject: RE: The Invention  
  
Oh come on guys all this waiting is driving me nuts.  Maybe it'll just be faster if I call a press conference and change in front of everyone?  
  
-  
  
From: CEO  
To: Tony Stark, PR Head  
Subject: RE: The Invention  
  
NO TONY FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T DO THAT.  
  
PR, I don't like doing your job for you but how about this:  Stop trying to sell to a very specific target market, thus in turn making them a target for bigots everywhere.  Sell both F2M and M2F in one package, so people can try things out just for a day.  Sell to everyone.  Sell to bored hipsters.  Sell to the authors of 'erotic genderbender fiction'.  (I can't believe I just had to search for that, and I can't believe the sheer number of results I found either.)  Sell to bored husbands and wives who might want to spice things up for a night.  If I could think of all of those in just five minutes I'm sure you can find even more potential markets.  
  
And do it quickly.  If there's something getting in the way please let me know ASAP.  
  
Tony I know you're bored and frustrated but if you absolutely HAVE to say and do something in public, *don't* mention who you're *actually* doing this for.  Say you're giving some new designer drug a test run or whatever.  
  
-  
  
From: PR Head  
To: Marketing Head  
Subject: RE: The Invention  
  
Read the email trails.  We've got a fire lit under our collective asses.  
  
Seriously if the CEO can come up with these ideas and we can't and they actually sound plausible, then why are we even here?  Once again, do your frigging job!  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: Minihulkie, CEO, Helen Cho  
Subject: The Invention  
  
Good news!  We're *finally* getting somewhere.  
  
-  
  
Tony leaned back.  Things were looking up!  And, believe it or not, it was all thanks to FRIDAY!  The young AI had been able to come up with a great idea, all by herself.  She might not be JARVIS, and Tony might still be missing the old AI, but she'd done good and pulled through.  
   Was this what normal people felt when their kids did something amazing?  
   "Hey, FRIDAY?"  
   "Yes, boss?"  
   "You did good back there.  That was a great idea.  Thanks."  
   "Thanks boss."  
   "I'm sorry for calling you my girl Friday.  You deserve a much better name."  
   "Thanks boss!  But everyone's already used to me being FRIDAY, including me."  
   "Yes?  Well, if you ever think of a name you'd prefer, let us all know."  
  
=====  
  
Chapter 5 - Four times they met, and one time when there was a press conference  
  
First time  
\----------  
The morning after the change, the visit to the Avengers, and sparring / training with Black Widow, Ann woke up and felt very very sore.  Oh ow.  But she supposed she had to get back into training, because with her new level of strength she needed to learn how to be careful.  
  
Absently, she struggled out of bed and into the bathroom for her morning routine.  She got out her daily dose of drugs and blockers and hormones and then suddenly realised that since she was now actually completely female she didn't need any of it.  
  
She stared at the little row of bottles and tablets, realising that for the first time in years she didn't need any of them.  Because she was now female.  Actually, completely, female.  With no Y chromosome.  
  
Wow.  It had really happened!  
  
The front doorbell rang.  Desperately she scrambled for a robe to cover her pyjamas, then hurried over to her door.  
  
"Who is it?" she asked.  
  
"Delivery for you, ma'am!  Just sign here."  
  
A delivery?  She wasn't expecting anything.  
  
"Wait, before you go, stay for a minute.  This might be a mistake.  I didn't order anything and I'm not expecting any delivery."  
  
"Ann Woodgrove?  Lives at this address?  This is you?"  
  
"Uh, yes.  Just a moment..."  Ann finished signing, and quickly opened the package.  
  
There was a replacement shirt inside, and a sticky note.  "Told you I'd get you a new shirt.  Be careful with it.  BW."  
  
Ann doubled over in laughter.  
  
"Miss?  Are you alright?"  
  
"Yes," she managed.  "Yes, thank you, I'm just fine."  
  
  
Second time  
\-----------  
  
Once, long ago, Hell's Kitchen had been a dangerous place, overrun by crime and gangs and way too much violence.  
   Then, not too long ago, New York had gone through a serious sprucing up and general overall improvement, and Hell's Kitchen was gentrified and had become much more respectable.  
   Then, only a few years ago, there had been The Incident.  A hole had ripped open in the sky and an honest to god alien invasion had poured through and attacked the city.  Fortunately, the Avengers showed up and repelled it before the aliens did *too* much damage.  But still, Hell's Kitchen had been very badly affected, crime gangs had moved back in, and it was the bad old place it had used to be.  
   Ann wondered, not for the first time or the last, why she continued living in Hell's Kitchen.  It was nowhere near the nice(ish) place she'd moved into, all those years ago.  
   Hey, maybe now that she had increased strength and increased durability, she could join the Devil of Hell's Kitchen in his fight on crime, and try doing something to help the area?  For a moment she tried to imagine herself in some crazy costume, jumping from building to building, solving problems by punching them in the face.  It was an amusing thought.  But just a thought.  Her, a superero?  
   Of course, *just* as she thought that, ahead of her she saw a guy pull out a gun.  Another guy across the road from him pulled out another gun and then there were a *whole lot* of people suddenly holding guns and she dived for cover behind a nearby car as the street exploded into gunfire and violence.  All around her bullets were flying and cracking through the air.  She smelled smoke, and blood, and OW!  
   She grabbed at her shoulder and stared up at the gang member approaching her.  
   "No witnesses!" a voice shouted.  "Shoot them all!"  
   OK, she wasn't entirely bulletproof.  But she was a lot more bulletproof than the other people who were suddenly in danger.  Muttering a quick apology to whoever owned this car, she ripped its door off, used it to shield herself, then to bash the gang mook in the face.  
   Lots of people with guns were now pointing them at her, but she was moving too fast for them to get a bead on.  As she sprinted around the street, trying to not be hit, she operated on a basic rule - if someone had a gun and wasn't the police, she hit them.  She had the thought that she might be hitting civilians who were just trying to defend themselves, but in all this chaos how was she to tell gang member from civilian?  
   Oh god she was probably going to get into so much trouble.  
   Somewhere in the midst of her chaotic strategy, the Devil of Hell's Kitchen showed up.  As she zoomed past, she realised he had a disturbing tendency to hit his opponent and then, well, keep hitting them.  Ooh, ow, that sounded nasty.  
   After it was all said and done, she dropped her impromptu shield, leant over with hands on knees and gasping for breath, and squawked in surprise as the Devil hauled her to her feet and told her to run.  The reason why was apparent a second later, because all the police still on their feet pointed their guns at the two of them and shouted for them to freeze.  
   "Yeah, I don't think so," said a familiar voice.  
   "Widow!" shouted Ann, the happiest she'd ever been to see a familiar face.  
   "Stand down," called one of the police.  "Avengers business!"  
   "Watch out, they're still jumpy," said the Devil.  
   Black Widow surveyed the remnants of the shootout.  "Of course they are.  These gangs.  They shot at each other then started shooting civilians?"  
   "Uh-huh," said Ann.  
   "What did *you* do?  What do the police have on you?"  
   "Being a vigilante, and I might have punched regular civilians, just beause they had guns out.  Oh, and this car door."  
   "If idiots had their guns out in this mess, they should have expected to be shot.  Getting punched was a mercy.  We should be able to get you off if you agree to pay for the repair of the door."  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: Minihulkie  
Subject: You're all grown up!  
  
Not bad for your first bout of superheroics!  And you're even paying the cost of the car door!  You don't need to do that.  People have insurance for a reason.  
  
-  
  
From: Ann Woodgrove  
To: Tony Stark  
Subject: RE: You're all grown up!  
  
Rob was so happy I'd even thought to repay him for his car door that he didn't want to press charges and almost didn't want to accept my money, until Black Widow forced both of us into it.  He thinks I'm a brave hero for taking on those gang nitwits, and super-brave for facing him afterwards.  
   Still, not going to make a habit of any of this.  
  
-  
  
Third time  
\----------  
  
Ann was jogging around Central Park.  These days, if she really pushed herself, she could probably lap the entire park in thirty minutes or so.  She went at a much more sedate pace, though - well, for her.  To the other joggers she was still a crazy-fast athletic sort.  
   "Nice pace," said a familiar voice behind her.  "You could go faster."  
   "Widow?" asked Ann.  
   "Yes.  Is there a reason you're not going faster?"  
   "So as to not freak everyone else out.  Is there a reason I've bumped into you again?  Am I suddenly your padawan or something?"  
   "Hmph."  They ~~jogged~~ hurtled along for a bit longer.  
   Being an Avenger *and* the SHIELD operative who put a whole bunch of SHIELD and HYRDA secrets online, Black Widow was one of the most high profile people around.  Except right now she had on a long wig and coloured contact lenses and to a casual look she didn't look like herself.  
   "Maybe I should get disguise lessons from you," Ann mused.  "After that shoot-and-punch-up, I'm a bit more recognisable these days."  
   "Wig.  Make-up.  Coloured contact lenses.  Don't give them a reason to look twice.  That's a basic lesson for you right there."  
   "Thank you, oh great and wise Master."  
   "You are *not* my padawan."  
   They jogged on for a bit longer.  
   "No, seriously, this is starting to get strange.  Every few days I run into you somehow."  
   "Let's just say that the Avengers building is a bit stifling sometimes.  Plus, I find your case interesting."  
   Ann almost fell over at that.  
   "Me?  Interesting?  I'm not-"  
   She could almost *hear* Black Widow rolling her eyes.  "Transgender, first person Stark used the EXTREMIS sex change on, accidental super powers, despite having powers *doesn't* want to put on fancy tights and prance around punching problems in the face, and actually decided to stick around and pay for the car door she ripped off.  All that qualifies you for 'interesting', don't you think?"  
   "I think you *do* like me as your padawan.  You're giving me too many lessons and insights to think otherwise."  
   "All right then my young padawan, match this."  
   Black Widow suddenly put on an amazing burst of speed and zoomed away from Ann.  
   Ann sighed.  She could *probably* match Black Widow's speed, but would prefer not to draw attention to herself.  She looked around, properly noticing where she was.  She cut through the middle of the park, coming out on the other side just as the hurtling Black Widow showed up.  
   "Is it OK if I match you like that?"  
   "Good job, padawan," Black Widow said with a smirk.  
  
  
Fourth time  
\-----------  
  
Ann woke up and felt... bloated?  She tried to move and her insides seized up and she fell out of the bed and onto the floor with a whimper.  What?  What was going on?  What could this possibly... oh.  Of course.  It had been about three and a half weeks since the change.  This was due.  And oh god this felt hideous.  
  
She tried to get up but another bout of cramping abdominal pain convinced her she should probably just crawl.  
  
A few minutes later she'd made it to the bathroom, was slightly cleaned up, but still couldn't completely stand up.  She had to sit on the floor instead.  Oh god.  This felt *totally* undignified.  
  
So of course this was when her doorbell rang.  
  
She felt like yelling "Come back later!" but she did after all have to figure out how to get mobile, seeing as she did have to get to the office in the next hour.  Somehow.  She'd figure this out, lots of women did.  
  
Her doorbell rang again.  "Delivery for you!" came a voice.  
  
She lurched her way to the door, tried to look as pleasant as possible, and confronted the deliveryman.  
  
"Oh my god are you okay Miss?!?" he shouted.  
  
"I'll be fine," she said.  "Very bad cramps.  You said there was a delivery?"  
  
"Cramps?  What - oh.  Ohhhhh!"  He flushed, very embarassed.  "Uh, yes, delivery.  Sign here, thanks, great, hopeyougetbetterBYE!"  
  
Typical.  She took the package and staggered to her chair and fell into it gracelessly.  She shook out the contents of the package, and found there was a bottle of pills and another stickynote.  
  
"Since you've never had period pains before, I figured you'd probably need these.  BW."  
  
-  
  
Ann's Computer\Desktop\This is for you BW.txt  
  
To: BW  
From: Minihulkie  
  
No idea how to contact you but I figure you'll probably find this?  
   Anyway oh wow I feel so much better.  Thanks heaps.  Tell me if you need me to do something or do some more smashing of bad guys or whatever, and I'll gladly do it.  
   Oh god these cramps.  This is my first time with this cramping.  Ow.  I actually feel like a Minihulkie.  How do you handle it?  
   I thought I knew all about this damn cycle but going through it is OH GOD OW.  
  
-  
  
Ann's Computer\Desktop\This is for you Minihulkie.txt  
  
To: Minihulkie  
From: BW  
  
Some drugs, but mostly practice.  Lots of aggravating and unpleasant and constant monthly practice.  Don't worry, you'll figure it out.  
  
-  
  
Inquisitiveness, attention to detail, memory for small details, those were the kind of thing that Stark International liked to see in its employees!  (Quote unquote.)  Unfortunately, this inquisitiveness and attention to detail meant that Ann's teammates noticed when she came into work somewhat crabbier than usual, and they especially noticed when she took certain pills.  
   Her teammates then realised this was about three and a half weeks after Tony Stark himself had almost blasted her in the office, then stole her away for an afternoon for secret Avengers business.  What had happened back then?  Ann had said she couldn't say, that it was all very secret hush-hush Avengers business.  
   Thinking laterally, thinking outside the box, and coming up with inventive solutions to weird problems, that was another kind of thing that Stark International liked to see in its employees.  This meant that Ann's teammates put their heads together and came up with the obvious answer.  
   The team meeting droned on for a few minutes with boring health and safety administrivia, then the team leader, Pauline, got to the actual agenda.  Everyone perked up.  This was going to be good.  
   "First item of business.  45 minutes.  Ann, wold you mind telling us how it is that Tony Stark and the Avengers gave you superpowers, and suddenly you're needing these?"  
   Pauline set down the bottle of pills Ann had been taking nearly nonstop, and Ann felt all the colour drain out of her face.  
   "Uh... secret Avengers business," she mumbled.  "I can't say."  
   "Yeah, yeah, sure."  
   "No, really, I haven't been allowed to talk about it."  
   "Oh, so the boss is coming up with something?"  
   The videoscreen suddenly turned on, showing the face of Tony Stark himself, and the windows of the conference room turned opaque.  Everyone froze, feeling like the kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.  Except for Ann, who just sighed and let her head thunk to the table.  
   "Hi everyone!  FRIDAY - you know FRIDAY right?  Replacement for JARVIS, helps run the building, etcetera etcetera?  She just told me about this meeting and what was happening in it.  So!  Inquisitiveness and attention to detail!  These are the kind of thing that SI likes to see in its employees!  Except for right now.  Seriously guys.  I swore Miss Woodgrove to secrecy for a *reason*."  
   "Um.  Uh, Mr. Stark, sir?  Can I speak freely sir?" asked Pauline.  
   "Sure, go ahead.  Willingness to be frank to authority, that's another thing I like."  
   "She was doing a really bad job at hiding it.  She had these in plain sight."  
   "What the heck are those?"  
   "Pills for period pain."  
   "Oh!  Um.  Oh my goodness.  Right.  It's been that long already?  I need to give PR and Marketing a kick in the ass."  
   "What?"  
   "Very secret hush-hush business, that I would like to stop being very secret hush-hush business.  Hey, I'm going to give everyone here some action items.  Action item one, for everyone:  Don't tell anyone, I'm serious about this, I mean it, seriously, telling anybody else about this is going to have serious consequences.  I can send an NDA around to you guys to sign if you want to get more official about it.  Action item the second, for Miss Woodgrove:  Be discreet, you idiot.  Thanks, I think that's everything.  Any questions?"  
  
\---  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: CEO, PR Head  
Subject: "The Invention" again  
  
I know plans are afoot but you've got to hurry it up.  I just had to bust up a meeting where people figured out that "The Invention" exists.  
  
\---  
  
From: PR Head  
To: CEO, Tony Stark  
Subject: RE: "The Invention" again  
  
How on earth have people managed to find out that it exists?  Crap.  I'll hurry Marketing along.  
  
\---  
  
From: CEO  
To: Tony Stark  
Subject: RE: "The Invention" again  
  
I wondered that too then realised it's almost been four weeks since Minihulkie.  Do you know if she's OK?  
  
\---  
  
From: B.W.  
To: CEO, Tony Stark  
Subject: RE: "The Invention" again  
  
She's managing, sent her some pills, seems to be getting better.  She's not very discreet though.  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: B.W., CEO  
Subject: RE: "The Invention" again  
  
How is it you can hack my email???  
  
-  
  
From: B.W.  
To: CEO, Tony Stark  
Subject: RE: "The Invention" again  
  
I used to be in a super-secret spy organisation where secrets had secrets, remember?  
  
-  
  
From: CEO  
To: B.W., Tony Stark  
Subject: RE: "The Invention" again  
  
Oh wow, Natasha, have you become her guardian angel?  ;p ;p  
  
-  
  
From: B.W.  
To: CEO, Tony Stark  
Subject: RE: "The Invention" again  
  
I'm nobody's any sort of angel.  But Minihulkie really needed help, especially in case she accidentally smashed something.  
  
-  
  
From: PR Head  
To: Marketing Head  
CC: CEO, Tony Stark  
Subject: RE: "The Invention" again  
  
Some of our staff have figured out that "The Invention" exists.  Don't know how, don't care.  Doesn't matter how much you swear people to secrecy and slap them with NDAs, with something this big someone's bound to talk then blam instant PR situation.  There's no more time.  Progress report please.  How soon can we move?  
  
-  
  
From: Marketing Head  
To: PR Head, CEO, Tony Stark  
Subject: RE: "The Invention" again  
  
Progress Report:  This country has too many conservative bigot bigwigs, making things absolutely impossible.  
  
At this point I highly recommend just giving up on regular advertising and media channels.  Not going to work.  Nuh-uh.  No how.  If you even *breathe* the *tinest* detail about what we're trying to do, people clam up and doors slam in your face.  Sometimes literally.  
  
Mr Stark, I know we've all discouraged you from doing and saying anything in public, but I think it's time you do exactly that.  Call a press conference, perhaps a drunken press conference, start talking about something else, and demo this invention of yours that way.  Don't mention your actual target market, say you're after the bored hipsters, fanfiction authors, etc etc, the people like you, try to push it as a weird designer drug thing that the conservative bigots don't want you selling.  People will love that.  
  
Conservative bigots will give us lots of shit but they would have done that anyway.  Screw 'em.  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: CEO, PR Head, Marketing Head  
Subject: RE: "The Invention" again  
  
Hey, thanks for being so frank and honest and open about that.  And no, that isn't code for "we're about to fire you."  When it comes to conservative bigot bigwigs, I say to screw em too.  
  
Anyway, so seemingly-drunken press conference, got it!  Easy.  I could do one in my sleep at this point.  PR, get ready.  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: CEO  
Subject: RE: "The Invention" again  
  
Well, it was nice being able to go incognito as a chick in public.  Guess I won't be able to do that after this.  
  
-  
  
From: CEO  
To: Tony Stark  
Subject: RE: "The Invention" again  
  
You've done what??  Really?  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: CEO  
Subject: RE: "The Invention" again  
  
It's great, nobody recognises me!  I can pay $7 for a greasy hotdog from a street vendor just like everybody else!  Though when I'm Toni I don't like mustard as much.  
  
-  
  
From: CEO  
To: Tony Stark  
Subject: RE: "The Invention" again  
  
SEVEN DOLLARS?!?  That's highway robbery!  
  
-  
  
From: Tony Stark  
To: CEO  
Subject: RE: "The Invention" again  
  
Streetside robbery, actually.  
  
-  
  
   "Heeeey everybody!" Tony said, waving genially.  "Thanks for coming!  You're all so great, I say I've got something to say and gonna throw a press confererence, and you all schow up!"  
   He made sure to sway, ever so slightly.  It wasn't obvious, but people would notice something a bit off about him.  
   "I bet you're all thinking, whoa, holy schmoly, he's drunk!  I'm not!  I'm perfectly in control!  And no nothing's happened.  Well ok something happened.  I've got this thing.  It's this really cool thing.  I want to show you my thing."  Some of the reporters snorted in embarassed laughter.  "Whoa, wait, I don't mean it like that!  I want to show you this latest amazing thing, that's right!  But I've been trying to get the word out, trying to make ads and such and whatever and nobody's biting!"  
   "But before I show you what I want to show you, I want to show you something else!"  He beamed, a bright happy smile where he stared at the cameras slightly too long.  Then he turned to the screen behind him.  "Uh, right!  So you've all heard of Googling yourself?  Well, *of course* I Google myself.  I'm Tony frigging Stark.  And Iron Man.  Why schouldn't I Google myself?  And I'm *amazed* at what some people write about me."  
   He brought up a webpage.  
   "I mean, like, this is fanfiction about me!  Only it's not me.  It's about Toni 'Iron Woman' Stark, a garage attendant, meeting up with Steffi 'Da Kapitan' Rogers, a mysterious surfer who has a *shield-shaped-surfboard*.  I had to scrub my eyes and brain a bit after that one.  Then some more.  How do you even surf on a shield?  Point is, there's some weird shit on the internet.  But we all knew that already."  
   There was more laughter.  A reporter raised his hand.  Tony pointed at him.  
   "You!  Yes, you!  With your hand up!  You've got questions!  So many questions!  You're wondering what the point is!  Don't worry, I'll get there!"  
   He did another micro-sway.  "The point is, uh, the point is, these people, no, not these people, uh... the point is, search for genderbender fanfiction, any fandom, you find lots.  And that's just people writing.  How many other people are out there, bored with who they are, wanting to be someone else... something else?  Well I've got this thing, something they want!  Presto!"  
   A moment later, Tony was Toni with an i, and everything was dead silent.  
   "This jacket," she complained.  "Too big for being a chick."  She took it off and adjusted her shirt and it was *really* obvious she was now female.  
   "So yeah!" she said brightly.  "I've got this thing, that lets you change from a guy into a chick and the other way too, which I'll show off in a minute!  And I look on the internet and it looks like there are *lots* of people who'd probably like this stuff, if just to try out being a chick for a day or something!  But, you try approaching TV channels and advertising agencies and the merest *hint* of anything sexual and they get this look of absolute *horror* on their face and they slam the door in *your* face with a ten foot long barge pole!  Dorks.  Y'know, I bet this conference is going to get censored all to hell when the news plays it back later."  
   "Anyway!  I said I'd show the changeover the other way, so here's the deal!  Every time I answer a question I'll switch over!  Here we go!  I bet you all have questions!  Who's got questions?"  
   "Uh... New York Times.  Is this real?  How is it even possible?"  
   A moment later he was Tony again.  
   "See?  You *can* change back, and I've even got my fantastic beard back!  Oh thank you beard, you're so very fantastic.  Anyway, I'm not going to show you the *full* proof, if you know what I mean."  Tony waggled his eyebrows.  "And how it works is a trade secret for now.  So I can't answer your questions very well, actually!  Sorry, New York Times!"  
   There were a lot more hands in the air.  Tony pointed to a pretty blonde reporter.  He hadn't seen her in these press conferences yet.  What sort of question would she have?  
   "Karen Page, from the Bulletin.  If you can't easily show us that this is real, or explain why it's real, why should we believe you?"  
   "I've got a *great* idea," Tony said brightly.  "Here, watch."  
   He stepped out from behind his podium, and pressed the button to activate the transformation again.  
   "OK, so I've changed, and I don't have my beard, and my voice is waaay different, and when I adjust my clothes *real* tight..." Toni did just that "...you can't possibly say that right now I'm a dude disguising myself in drag, see?"  
   They certainly could.  They could see quite a bit.  
  
-  
  
From: Serafina  
To: "Iron Man Fan"  
Subject: ASSHOLE  
  
What the fuck?  WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?  *You* were Tony Stark all along?  What was that conference just then all about?  I thought I told you not to do that, you stupid fucking bitch!  Bastard!  Whatever!  
  
-  
  
From: "Iron Man Fan"  
To: Serafina  
Subject: RE: ASSHOLE  
  
Hey there Serafina!  I wondered how long it would take before you emailed me.  
   Do you know how many conservative bigot bigwigs are in advertising and marketing and the media in general?  We couldn't get a regular campaign off the ground at all.  They slam doors in your face the instant you mention sex.  Sometimes even literally!  As I so convincingly slurred, the plan is to market to hipster / yuppie / erotic genderbender fanfiction author types, not specifially you and your pals.  I didn't mention my *actual* reason for this invention at all.  This should keep you guys out of the firing line.  
   Best thing is: You and your pals will only have to pay once, quite cheaply, for an instant and pain free and quite simple changeover.  Meanwhile, your presence gets masked by the loud and obnoxious set that should be buying this stuff a whole lot more.  
  
-  
  
From: Serafina  
To: "Iron Man Fan"  
Subject: RE: ASSHOLE  
  
I still think you're an asshole.  
   But that might actually work.  I *really* want it to work.  
   And oh my god, this stuff is going to be *that* cheap?  That easy?  Oh my god do you even know what this MEANS?  
  
-  
  
From: "Iron Man Fan"  
To: Serafina  
Subject: RE: ASSHOLE  
  
I have some trans employees.  I was digusted when I found out all the shit they have to go through.  So yes, I've got a glimmering of an idea, yes.  
  
-


End file.
